Vagine to Five


            She stared at me sexfully. I was sitting in the office where I normally do, on a chair, when she walked in and asked to borrow something to staple her documents together with.

            “I’ve got a stapler,” I said.

            She nodded and bent down, exposing her cleavage, which was ample. I could picture myself getting lost in that cleavage. Buying a house there. Starting a family. Perhaps going through a divorce, begging my kids to forgive me, living out the rest of my days resting against her left breast, drinking alcohol and pooping myself. I felt the blood rushing to my shaft.

            She picked up the stapler, sexually, and said in a deep, rasping voice, “I have strep throat. I don’t want to stay too long in your cubicle. I can barely talk.”

            That sealed the deal. I’m not normally a man of action. I’ve been called a coward by my friends. My son repeatedly refers to me as “Pussy Jackson” when I’m trying to sleep. But I vowed to be more assertive in the burgeoning throes of romantic possibilities. I proffered my erect penis from within my pants.

            “What do you think of that?” I said.

            For a moment there was silence. A moist silence. A silence like the quiet sighs of an old woman, slowly dying in her sleep. RIP Grandma Marsh. You were good to me.

            I realized suddenly that the woman had responded by ripping open her semi-professional business wear and exposing her bare breasts to me several minutes ago.

            I ejaculated instantly.

            She climbed on top of me, knocking piles of papers off the desk. She began to grasp my limp penis in her hands, twisting it in all four cardinal directions, stroking it, removing it from the hilt, spinning it between her fingers and pulling it from behind my ear.

            Finally, when my refractory period had passed, I became as hard as steel. My penis stood gleaming and stiffened, brushing against her face, tempting her. I put it against her forehead. And then I put it against her nose.

            I can tell she was aroused because she was completely naked at this point and her vagina was gushing with sexual lubricant.

            “It’s the sixth natural wonder,” she moaned, pointing at her vagina. I pushed her down and spread her legs.

            “The hanging gardens of Babylon,” I whispered, as I stroked her nipples with my thumb.

            “That’s a man-made wonder,” she said, softly, into my ear. “It’s a different category.”

            “Stonehenge,” I said, gripping her nipples between my thumb and pinky, spinning them in circles.

            “That’s also man-made,” she said. “You’re thinking of a completely different set of wonders. I was talking about the Niagara Falls. Because of how wet I am. It’s like a big waterfall. That’s what I meant.”

            “The Mall of America,” I said.

            “Okay,” she said, putting a hand over my mouth. She guided my penis between her thighs, resting it against her pubic bone. “Let’s do this,” she said.

            I ejaculated instantly.

            “You’ve got a mean ween,” she said.

            “It’s a mean ween, but it’s lean and teems with obscene cream,” I responded.

            “Your mean, lean, obscene ween seems to steam my downstairs queen,” she said.

            “My dream is to wean my mean, lean, obscene peen on your vageen’s ravine.”

            But that was enough pillow talk. Eventually my refractory period restarted and I was ready. I was as hard as steel.

            She put me in her mouth and then she put my penis into her mouth.

            “That feels amazing,” I said. This was true. Her head moved in all directions, consuming my entire penis and, at one point, both of my testicles. She swirled all three around in her mouth as a laundry machine might. Soon I couldn’t tell what was what. Finally, when I was near climax, she let me out of her mouth and I saw that my penis and scrotum were tied into the shape of a giraffe.

            “Now do mine,” she said.

            I was nervous because I hadn’t had much experience with orally stimulating a woman’s vagina. I’d heard stories, but I wasn’t sure whom I could trust. I put my thumb into it.

            “What are you doing?” she said.

            “I have no idea,” I said. “I literally have no idea what is going on.”

            But she was an angel. A sex angel. She showed me how. In no time I was lapping at her in the manner of a dog lapping at a female dog’s vagina. She began to moan. Her fingers grasped at the edges of the desk and her thighs enclosed my head like a vice.

            I felt the pressure increasing, the thighs closing tighter, she began to scream. I licked faster and faster. She pounded her palms against the table, nearly incomprehensible. She demanded more. She wanted me to go faster, to go deeper. Suddenly she was screaming in complete silence and her entire body began to shake. I could see her arms trembling.

            “Almost,” she whispered.

            I ejaculated instantly.


- Vinsex Cheng



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